Failure to do so may give your child an inferiority complex, an idea that they can never be good enough in your eyes. If you want to help them improve their behavior, talk about meeting their goals on their own terms, instead of telling them to act like their sister or neighbor.
This will help them develop a sense of self instead of having an inferiority complex. Comparing one child to another can also make one child develop a rivalry with his or her sibling. You want to nurture a loving relationship between your children, not a competitive one. Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favorites, but most children believe that they are the favorite. If your children are quarreling, don't choose sides, but be fair and neutral.
Overcome natural birth order tendencies by making each child responsible for themselves. Putting older kids in charge of the younger one stokes sibling rivalry, whereas making them take responsibility for themselves encourages individuality and self-reliance. Listen to your children. It's important that your communication with your children goes both ways. You shouldn't just be there to enforce rules, but to listen to your children when they are having a problem. You have to be able to express interest in your children and involve yourself in their life.
You should create an atmosphere in which your children can come to you with a problem, however large or small.
Practice active listening with your children. Look at them while they talk to you, and show them you're following along by nodding and making affirmative statements, such as "Uh huh," "I understand," or "Keep going. When it is your turn to speak, paraphrase what you heard them say before you respond.
This can be before bedtime, at breakfast, or during a walk after school. Treat this time as sacred and avoid checking your phone or getting distracted. If your child says he has to tell you something, make sure you take this seriously. If the timing is right now, drop everything you're doing to listen properly, or set up a time to talk when you can really listen. Don't underestimate your children's intelligence. They often have insights to share or a way of sensing when something is wrong or right. Take the time to hear their perspectives. Make time for your children.
Be careful not to stifle or smother them, however. There's a big difference between protecting someone and imprisoning them within your too unyielding demands. You want them to feel like your time together is sacred and special without making them feel like they are forced to spend time with you. When you're spending time with your children, turn off your technology.
Keep your phone put away so that you can focus your attention on your child without the temptation to answer messages, check your email, or log on to social media. Spend time with each child individually. Try to divide your time equally if you have more than one child. Listen and respect your child and respect what they want to do with their life.
Remember though, you are the parent. Children need boundaries. A child who has been allowed to behave as they please and had their every whim indulged will struggle in adult life when they have to obey the rules of society. You are NOT a bad parent if you don't allow your children to have everything they want. You can say no, but you should provide a reason for saying no or offer an alternative. Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library, depending on their interests.
Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Be there for the milestones. You may have a hectic work schedule, but you should do everything you can to be there for the important moments in your children's lives, from their ballet recitals to their high school graduation. Remember that children grow fast and that they'll be on their own before you know it.
Your boss may or may not remember that you missed that meeting, but your child will most certainly remember that you didn't attend the play they were in. Though you don't actually have to drop everything for your children, you should at least always try to be there for the milestones. If you were too busy to be there for your child's first day of school or another important milestone, you may regret it for the rest of your life. And you don't want your child to remember his high school graduation as the time when his mom or dad couldn't show up.
Enforce reasonable rules. Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and productive life — not model rules of your ideal person. It's important to set rules and guidelines that help your child develop and grow without being so strict that your child feels like he can't take a step without doing something wrong. Ideally, your child should love you more than he fears your rules. Communicate your rules clearly.
Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and the fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault, the punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire. Make sure that you not only set reasonable rules, but that you enforce them reasonably. Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment, ridiculously stringent punishments for minor infractions, or anything that involves physically hurting your child.
Control your temper as much as you can. It's important to try to be as calm and reasonable as you can when you explain your rules or carry them out. You want your children to take you seriously, not fear you or think of you as unstable. Obviously, this can be quite a challenge, especially when your children are acting out or just driving you up the wall, but if you feel yourself getting ready to raise your voice, take a break, excuse yourself or let your kids know that you are beginning to get upset.
We all lose our tempers and feel out of control, sometimes. If you do or say something you regret, you should apologize to your children, letting them know that you've made a mistake. If you act like the behavior is normal, then they will try to mimic it. Be consistent. It's important to enforce the same rules all the time, and to resist your child's attempts to manipulate you into making exceptions.
If you let your child do something he or she is not supposed to do just because he or she is throwing a tantrum, then this shows that your rules are breakable. If you find yourself saying, "Okay, but only once If your child feels like your rules are breakable, he'll have no incentive to stick to them. Be a united front with your spouse. If you have a spouse, then it's important that your children think of you as a united front — as two people who will both say "yes" or "no" to the same things. If your kids think that their mother will always say yes and their father will say no, then they'll think that one parent is "better" or more easily manipulated than the other.
They should see you and your spouse as a unit so there's order in your high school, and so you don't find yourself in a difficult situation because you and your spouse don't agree on certain things when it comes to raising the kids. But it does mean that you should work together to solve problems that involve the children, instead of being pitted against each other. You shouldn't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, argue quietly. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering.
In addition, children will learn to argue with each other the same way they hear their parents argue with each other. Show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully. Provide order for your children. Your kids should feel like there's a sense of order and a logic to things in their household and in their family life. This can help them feel safe and at peace and to live a happy life both in and outside of their home. Here are some ways that you can provide order for your children: Establish and follow a family schedule so that your children know what to expect.
Set bedtimes and wake up times, serve meals at the same time each day, and set time for homework and play. Keep up with your own hygiene, such as showering and caring for your teeth, and teach your child that the same is expected of them. Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have limitations.
By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared about by their parents. They might rebel at those boundaries, but inwardly enjoy knowing that concerned parents guide and love them. Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege money, extended curfew, extra play time, etc.
As "punishment" for not doing these jobs, they have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even the youngest of children can learn this concept of reward or consequence. As your child grows, give them more responsibilities and more rewards or consequences for completing those responsibilities or ignoring them.
Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to the religious institute that you follow, if they are interested. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, teach them your moral stance on things. In either case, don't be hypocritical or be prepared for your child to point out that you are not "practicing what you preach".
Criticize your child's behavior, not your child. It's important to criticize your children's actions, instead of your actual child. You want your child to learn that he or she can accomplish whatever he or she wants through his or her behavior, instead of being stuck being one kind of person. Let him or her feel like he has the agency to improve his behavior. When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives.
Avoid statements such as: "You're bad. Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern and serious, but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect. Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them privately. Teach your children to be independent. Teach your children that it is okay for them to be different, and they do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when they are young, and they will more often than not be able to make their own decisions, instead of listening to or following others.
What Are Traits of Good Parents?
Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them. When your children get old enough to make decisions for themselves, you should encourage them to choose which extra-curricular activities they want to do or what friends they want to play with.
Unless you think an activity is very dangerous, or a playmate is a very bad influence, you should let your children figure things out for themselves. A child may have an opposite disposition, such as being introverted when you are extroverted, and will not be able to fit into the pattern and style that you choose, and will make his or her own decisions instead. Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves. While getting them a glass of water before bed is a nice way to make them get to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they come to expect it.
Be a good role model. If you want your child to be well-behaved, then you should model the behavior and character you hope your children will adopt and continue to live by the rules that you set.
Show them by example in addition to verbal explanations. Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear unless they make a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold. You don't have to be a perfect person, but you should strive to do as you want your children to do, so you don't look hypocritical if you tell your children to be polite to others when they find you getting in a heated argument in the supermarket.
It's perfectly okay to make mistakes, but you should apologize or let your child know that the behavior is not good. You can say something like, "Mommy didn't mean to yell at you. She was just very upset. Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with you to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals.
Explain to them why you do acts of charity so they understand why they should.
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Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you out. Don't tell your child to do something, but ask for their help. The earlier they learn to help you, the longer they will be willing to. If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example and share your things with them. Respect your child's privacy. Respect their privacy as you would want them to respect yours; for example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them, respect the same with their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room, they can know that no one will look through their drawers, or read their diary.
This will teach them to honor their own space and to respect the privacy of others. If your child catches you snooping through his or her things, then it may take him or her a long time to be able to truly trust you again. Allow your child to maintain their personal space and accept that it's normal for them to sometimes keep secrets from you, especially as they get older. You can balance this by having an open door policy so that they can approach you if they need help with an issue.
The Good Parents by Joan London
Encourage your children to have a healthy lifestyle. It's important to make sure that your children eat healthy food as much as they can, that they get plenty of exercise, and that they get enough rest every night. You should encourage positive and healthy behavior without harping on it too much or making it seem like you're forcing your children to eat or act a certain way. Be the adviser, not the dictator. Let them come to these conclusions on their own while helping them see the meaning and importance of a healthy life. One way to encourage them to exercise is to get them to play a sport early on in life, so they find a passion that is also healthy.
If you start over-explaining to the child that something is unhealthy or that they shouldn't get it, they may take it the wrong way and feel like you are condemning them. Once this happens, they may no longer want to eat with you, and they may feel bad eating around you, which could make them want to sneak and hide junk food from you. When trying to enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a younger age. Giving rewards of candy to children may create a bad habit, because once they get older, some may feel they should reward themselves which can lead to obesity.
While they are young, start them out with healthier snacks. Instead of chips, try goldfish crackers , grapes, etc. The eating habits they learn as they are younger are the ones they continue to have. Emphasize on finishing their plates, and teach them to take a small portion at a time; they can always take more afterwards, but they can't put food back after it has been on their plate.
Emphasize moderation and responsibility when it comes to alcohol consumption. You can start talking about this even when children are young. Explain that they will have to wait until they are old enough to enjoy a drink with friends, and talk about the importance of designated drivers. Failure to discuss these issues early sometimes contributes to sneaking and dangerous experimentation, if they don't understand.
Once your children get to an age where they and their friends start drinking alcohol, encourage them to talk about it with you. You don't want them to fear your reaction and to end up doing something regrettable, like driving drunk because they're too scared to ask for a ride. Be honest with your children about sex. If your child has questions about sex, it is important to answer their questions calmly and without embarrassment. If you don't answer their questions, this can leave them uninformed and ashamed, which can harm them later in life. Be aware of your child's age. It is recommended to teach toddlers about their anatomy and explain conception during early childhood.
Teach about puberty, privacy, and maybe sexual intercourse during middle childhood ages Teach tweens about contraception, the pros and cons of sex, and relationships. Although teenagers are very private people, communicate to your teenager that they can approach you if they encounter something difficult or dangerous. If your child sees you having sex, stop right away and ask them to leave.
Tell them that you were having sex after the fact. They probably feel as uncomfortable as you do. Never make your child feel uncomfortable or ashamed about masturbation. Contrary to some beliefs, masturbation will not harm your child in any way. If your child speaks to you about masturbation, answer them openly and try not to feel embarrassed.
Allow your kids to experience life for themselves. Don't make decisions for them all the time; they must learn how to live with the consequences from the choices they make. After all, they will have to learn to think for themselves sometime. It's best they start when you are there to help minimize the negative consequences and accentuate the positive ones. Parents naturally want their kids to succeed and may push, prod, bribe, demand, or even threaten kids with punishment to get them to practice an instrument, excel at a sport, achieve top grades and so on.
The fact is, being a Tiger Mom or Dad isn't likely to get your child further than giving kids lots of support, and gently nudging if and when they need it.
How to be a Good Parent | My Young Child
Good parents know that it's important for kids to do things for themselves. Whether it's homework or chores or making friends , the best thing we can do as parents is get kids to a place where they can handle things on their own. It can sometimes be hard to tell how much we should help and how much we should let kids figure something out on their own, but as a general rule, helping your child with something is fine when you do it with the end goal of teaching them to eventually do it by themselves. For example, it's not a good idea for parents to, say, do a child's homework for him or hover over a play date and dictate exactly what the kids will play and howvthose are definite examples of helicoptering , not helping.
But if you show a child how to work out a homework problem or settle a problem with a friend in a respectful way, you're giving your child good tools for the future. Got a piece of juicy gossip you're dying to share? Want to tell off a neighbor who did something rude or offensive or yell at a driver who cut you off?
While we can't always perfect, every good parent knows that kids are always learning from the examples we set. Can a parent occasionally lose his or her temper or yell? Absolutely—we are human, after all. But insulting or humiliating or belittling a child are never, ever a good way to teach anything. Would you want to be treated that way? We can all get so busy, it's easy to forget to take the time to show our kids how we feel about them. Small gestures, like writing a little note for her lunchbox or sharing things about yourself with her can strengthen your connection and show your child how much you love her every day.
You probably teach your kids to own up to things they did wrong and apologize and try to make up for what they did. This is just as, if not more important, for parents to do themselves. Good parents know that all parents can sometimes make mistakes, and they learn from them and show their kids how to take responsibility for their actions. Discipline not punishment is not only one of the best things you can teach your kids but it's a way to ensure that you are raising a child who will be happier as she grows.
Why is it so important to discipline children? Kids who are not disciplined are much more likely to be spoiled , ungrateful, greedy , and, not surprisingly, have trouble making friends and being happy later in life. Your child may be more of a quiet reader than someone who wants to be a star on the stage or a soccer field. While it's great to encourage kids to try things that may push them out of their comfort zones the "You won't know if you like it till you really give it a try" can sometimes apply, especially to kids who are still figuring out who they are and what they want , it's important for parents to do a quick check and make sure they're not pushing kids for the right reasons to try it, and not because the parent wants the child to be something they're not.
Who are your child's friends? What are the parents of the child like?