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Skip to content Skip to search. Lew, Andi. Language English View all editions Prev Next edition 2 of 2. Author Lew, Andi. Published Brighton, Vic. Medium [electronic resource] Subjects Mothers. Infants -- Sleep. Notes Also issued in printed form and various ebook formats. Mode of access: Internet.

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How many adults do you know who fall out of their beds at night when sober and otherwise well? Just as we know where the edge of the bed is in our deepest sleep, adults who bed-share know where the baby is. This is true even for heavy sleepers, even for large people. If someone has a problem with falling off the edge of the bed when sleeping alone, then they are not a good candidate for bed-sharing. But they can still room-share. You accuse this article of being biased, but it seems to me that you read it with a closed mind and missed many of the main points.

Ask yourself whether you are truly being fair and balanced with your own opinions about bed-sharing and co-sleeping. Actually, it was not until recently that shared beds sometimes for every member of a family and guests as well went out of favor in the United States. Seriously, what a rant! Co-sleeping aka bedsharing parents in America are NOT the fringe anymore. Babies are meant to be with their mothers. Breasts are made for feeding babies.

Most Americans are too lazy to deal with the sacrifices breastfeeding requires. Methinks DUH! I beleive that did make it easier for them to be in a seperate bed from me. I was young and dumb and spent my nights and days worring myself sick about them being in the other room away from me!!

I hated it! When i finally had my daughter i decided against putting her in the other room.

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Since i was breast feeding i let her sleep with me in bed. The difference between her and the boys was insane. I have actually been getting way more sleep and i feel so good physically wen we wake up in the morning!! I feel so much safer with her in there with us since, unlike the boys, she has no one to be with her in a different room! She finally made her own decision to stop nursing since she eats so much and i cant make enough to feed her.

But at almost 4 months old we have transitioned her to the bassinet next to the bed and its was so easy i almost died! Shes happy and her and i have a special bond i beleive soley because i decided to co-sleep in bed with her! I stongly urge you to reread that artical since you seem to be slightly misguided! The driving analogy is a good one — you can make anything unsafe if you do it irresponsibly. Jasmine, reread the article. It states that you have to look at all the factors. Not everyone can safely sleep with an infant. You need to reread this article.

Parents need to decide what is best and safe for them. Animals do not put their babies in a seperate rooms. But we do have people who are heavy sleepers and if you do not know this about yourself by the time you have a baby, that is pretty sad. Also, when you are nursing, especially in the first few months, babies nurse constantly. Signs that a baby is not actually getting enough would be not enough wet diapers, fussiness and not being able to sleep.

You also have to eat and drink enough to keep your milk flowing. I have a friend who starting fasting in the morning and her milk did dry up. You cannot diet or fast while nursing without causing a disruption. Bed sharing, known as the family bed, was the norm in the U. So the myth of the evil family bed continues. I slept with my infants every night. I placed their little right ear over my hart. While they were too young to lift their heads, they cried when they were hungry.

When they could lift their head the they would rout around for a breast to feed from. Infants sleeping on the ground beside their parents would have died of exposure. It was critical for mothers to share their body heat with their infants.

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These instincts of mother and child allowed the human race to flourish. I never felt my breastfeeding was a sacrifice. I enjoyed it! It was an honor to provide that nourishment for my child. Unfortunately there are mothers who for whatever reason work, health, etc. To assume they are lazy for doing so is narrow minded. He is well rounded when it comes to sleeping arrangements. What horrible side effects of being part of the fringe group are you alluding to- being different, making positive change in the world, being creative, living a life of making decisions based on personal beliefs and experiences?

One is in 3rd year of university and no one ever asks if she co-slept! Be safe and take care of your babies and toddlers as you know best. K- sharing a room IS a form of co sleeping. He states that in the second paragraph. Mothers might be instinctually aware of their babies but fathers may not be. My husband flails around in his sleep and nobody is safe from a punch in the face. I also believe from personal experience that once babies hit the toddler stage they should start sleeping in their own rooms.

That is only because I notice my kids sleep better by themselves then with us. Also it is not lazy or selfish to want alone time with your partner. It is actually proven to make your relationship more healthy when you sleep together without toddlers and young children in your bed. While Jasmine may not have read the article as closely as some, I think her overall argument makes sense. I would be interested in actual data about babies who die due to sleeping in the same bed as their parents — who are drunk, who are not etc.

When the baby gets a little older, I would feel better about co-sleeping, but not at this age, and definitely not with a newborn. But that is my personal situation. Sleeping, by definition, is lack of consciousness, at least full consciousness. Why take that risk? You can get most of the benefits of co-sleeping by having a co-sleeper bassinet directly by the side of the bed, minimizing much of the risk.

All you parents claiming that you should do whatever you think is best for you child — part of doing what is best means informing yourself and making wise decisions. My mother let me go play in the forest behind our apt. For a few reasons one I breastfeed her so having her in bed is easier than getting up about twenty times a night to breastfeed her and put her back in her crib to get up in an hour to do it again. Two she was gaining weight fine until I stopped bed sharing when she was a couple weeks she stopped gaining weight started bed sharing again and by next appt she was gaining weight like she was suppose to.

Three my daughter now four months old goes to bed at 7 in our bed I put her In her crib before I go to sleep for the night at ten she gets up to eat at three am now personally at three in the morningiI would rather go back to sleep for a few more hours taking her to bed and letting her eat lets me do that and she goes back to sleep. I practice partial bed sharing a portion of the night she is in my bed and the rest in her own.

Yes I love my daughter and practice a sleeping arrangement that works for us. Crib sleeping, roo. I bottle fed my other two older children. Because their father wouldbt let them in our bed and by three weeks I was burnt out. So I am an advocate that if done right bed sharing is beneficial for infants and parents alike.

For me bed sharing is helping me reach my goal for one year of breastfeeding. Bed shared with all FOUR of my children. They are now 22, 19, 12 and 9. I would have it no other way!

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If I am blessed with another child, guess what? I WILL bed share! They are smart to not want to take the risk. They could technically sue you. If they were to follow your advice and they did accidentally kill their child by rolling on them and suffocating it while sleeping, they could claim that this article said it was the healthy thing to do and was recommended.

Also your comment on fringe groups is disheartening. America is a melting pot of cultures and stating that there are fringe groups makes it apparent that you are judgmental and think you know it all. Which is why the article explains the safe ways to co-sleep…not to mention all the links to articles written by pediatric experts that agree that there is safe ways to co-sleep. What do you think mothers and babies did hundreds and hundreds of years ago, before there was formula and cribs, bassinets, pack and plays, etc.?

The mothers breastfeed their babies and co-slept. And the article may seem biased, but I find it a breath of fresh air vs. I lost my son to SUID. D of SIDS. Instead we were safely co-sleeping, the M. But, the simple fact that we were sleeping together mind you on a very firm surface[ a futon mattress on our hardwood flooring, so that my husband and 18 month old could have the master bed. I most certainly agree with the article. I have been condemned, ostracized and worse in support groups for bereaved mothers because I told my true story. These groups are not supposed to make you feel more guilty than you already do.

As a mother to a little guy in Heaven, no matter what the circumstances of his death would have been, I would have still felt like a failure. Only bereaved mothers truly understand… before anyone goes bashing, think! For some reason that removes a tiny grain of the guilt I have felt since he passed. In memory of Dane Jr. All you ever knew was love my sweet boy, even in your death. Missing you is something I cannot even put into words. A reasonably self-aware person will have some idea by the time they have a baby what kind of sleeper they are. I also know that the deeper the sleep the less the body is able to move, as an in-built protective mechanism muscle atonia.

It would have been insanity to try to keep forcing them into something they were not wired for. Regardless, my inclination is to try to not make decisions based too much on fear of social disapproval. In the s my mother was shamed for breastfeeding me past infancy.


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She hid it. My kids, too, are proud that we have bed-shared with them. They feel sad for kids who have to sleep alone. I have a 2. We did not co-sleep, simply because I was too inexperienced to realize how easy it is to lie down and breast feed. Therefore I would sit up in a chair or on the bed in his room, against a cold wall, to breastfeed.

Being exhausted from waking every 1 — 2 hours, I would often find that I have fallen asleep — in an upright position — while breastfeeding. This was way more scary and, in my opinion, much more dangerous than laying down in a bed, next to my baby. All research shows that a baby who is bedsharing safely is at no higher risk of SIDS than a baby sleeping in a cot on its own…and breastfeeding will actually reduce that risk even further!

And sleeping next to me saved her life! The co sleeping debate is being hottest controversial topic for many years, but I would say that it indeed have harms but the simple way to ease the dangers of co sleeping is to use cosleeper in the bed, which will make co sleeping with baby, a safe and secure affair and off course, memorable moments. I love this article. After my baby became three months I ended up bed sharing because I was so tired breastfeeding her, I felt was easier to breasfeed in bed.

In my mind I feel she felt safe with my smell and my physical presence there. I do think after three months she was bigger and felt less fearful of something tragic might happen to her. Normally it has a bigger influence the economical profit of it. I breastfed my baby until she was 3. I never gave her a bottle, I went back to work part time when she was 18months. I did baby lead wining, can you imagine if all mothers bed share?

All those things are a big big industries. They are all invention from the end of the XIX century and we do think that is what we should do. If 40 per cent of the mothers up brought their babies the way I did, the baby industry would make sure to explain this is not the right way. Because the way I did is less cost, less consuming and less profitable to those Giants companies. They are clever and they do act on our instintive side which fear something bad might happen to our little ones.

Then come the competition…. She tried little things but eating eating, only 9months, of course I overlooked for her to make it easier for her to chew it. She knew when she was ready — I see so many mums given food when they are 4months, 6months…because it is in the label of the baby products, we are trained more and more to follow marketing strategy than our instincts, it is sad. Simple, cheaper, practical. I come from India and in India, baby cannot sleep anywhere else but besides his mother and father.

I myself have a son who is 3 years old and still sleeps between myself and my wife. I must admit, we did try to make him sleep slightly away in the same room but none of the three could take it easily. Millions of babies sleep with their parents in my country, and still havent heard of many rather any case where the baby was harmed due to this. As parents you are constantly aware of the fact that your child is sleeping besides you are take atmost care even in your sleep!! I can talk about it as i practice it for past three years.

I am a coroner, and I have seen MANY cases where the cause of death is related to co sharing of a bed. The fact that you are saying no cases is scary. Co sleeping in the same bed is like driving with a baby on your lap. STOP trying to scare people by the use of extreme drama. How the hell did we get 7 billion people on the planet, when most of them are born without ANY medical intervention, and co-sleep with their parents! All my kids have slept in my bed, and I can vouch for parents being aware of the baby even while asleep. The rate of cot death or whatever you want to call it is the highest in the west…where funnily enough babies are generally left alone at night.

And at the peak of the epidemic the then current western recommendation was to sleep a baby alone and on its tummy. I know, my little sister nearly suffocated because if this! And many babies around the western world were lost as a result. At one point in time doctors insists babies be fed formula because it was touted as being better than breast milk…. In countries like Japan where almost all babies sleep with their parents the rate of SIDS is the lowest in the world.

I think rather than mention only the babies that died while bed sharing how about giving us more information on the circumstances of these bed sharing deaths…. Could it be these things and not cosleeping itself that caused the deaths?? Most people on here would agree that there is no safer and more appropriate sleeping place for a baby than with its loving mother.

Thank you Dr McKenna for all your insightful informative and invaluable research. To the Coroner, you also scare me by comparing cosleeping to driving with your kid in your lap. That example is flat out outrageous. I have a 4 year old and a 8 month old, they both co slept with my husband and me. As I read in many of the comments the parents, specially a mother that is breastfeeding, are very aware of their babies in the bed.

It is almost impossible to roll over a baby when you take a protective position next to your baby. I always feel when my baby shifts positions or starts feeding. Both my babies slept through the night, never had colicky or fuzzy babies, they have been the happier little ones ever. Well, they do that in India too. I slept on my side with my arm out and always woke moments before the baby began stirring before another feed. I like the baby in our bed. Now one week old it is sleeping close to us.

Form me new that i realy feel connected and save. Befor we did hypnobirthing training and i also feel the baby in the mother. That is great! How big is your bed? There is not room for my husband and I to sleep in our bed, much less add a baby. Yet he says that he is on the edge of the bed as well. What about the height of the bed?

Ours is a couple of feet off the floor and we cannot put it on the floor under the bed storage I know in Africa, they sleep on mats on the floor often times. There is no concern for baby falling off. I actually would prefer my own bed. I struggle to fall asleep unless I am alone. My 3 children ALL slept alone from the beginning.


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  • I even put them down to sleep awake, then just patted them for a few minutes. They sleep well. My neighbor sleeps with her son and he is very difficult to go to sleep. Her daughter is the same way, and she co-slept as well. They just struggle to fall asleep. As parents, we are all faced with different decisions. What I chose to do worked for me and my family.

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    We too followed our instincts. Our instincts said that just because someone chose something different than we did, does not make them or us bad parents.

    When we hear our child cry in the middle of the night, or if the are coughing in their sleep, or even if they sound like they are restless, we go in and check on them. We sometimes even check on them just because. Or maybe I am up doing laundry and I put clothes away while they sleep! I was always right across the hall to get up to breastfeed or comfort whenever needed.

    She has grown into a bright little preschooler. I also think this strategy has fostered fierce independence in her. She is flourishing! I think this is partially because in some Western cultures, it was half-acceptable if not legal to let unwanted or sickly infants die from either malnutrition or intentional suffocation. This happened a lot especially during the 18th and 19th Century, when birth control was still nonexistent or unavailable and parents with poor circumstances could not support their lot of children. It does happen, rarely, but mostly the parents have been either intoxicated, drugged or there has been too many bed clothing and pillows.

    I have been co-sleeping with my baby, sharing the bed with my husband and I have to admit I was initially very worried about the matter. As time went on, I learned to trust my instincts and to this day the 9-month-old child often sleeps under my blanket, cosily. I have never actually placed any part of my body over the baby or hurt her — my husband was more worried, but now has also learned to be aware of her. It gets more complicated in a way when the baby starts to move on her own and may not stay in one place, but then again at that point she is also capable of moving potential breath-constricting clothing items away from her face as well.

    At other times, she sleeps in her own cot and I get to stretch a little more. Those nights are not so peaceful, though the cot is only 1,5 meters away from my side of the double bed. How many parents touch their children? A hug or simply moisturizing your child is so powerful. Touch has healing properties. I was wary when my now 9 year old was born.

    My husband was comfortable with co sleeping. I was scared. She was so small and fragile. But when you nurse, sleep is a luxury. So whenever I could sleep I would and nursing her in my bed was extremely convenient. When a child is in a crib a bit away, you are not as sensitive to the childs movements. And I do not know about other mothers, but my kids especially early on, only gave me at most 4 hours without needing to nurse again.

    You become so aware of them. Co sleeping allows the mother to nurse comfortably. The child is snug and cozy. My kids even have had blankets on them and I have never had any choking issue. You are aware of them..

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    Rooting is a reflex that a baby just born has. I think in cases where suffocation has occurred and the parents were in the same bed.. When you co sleep, a mother will also nurse for a longer period of time. I do not know about anyone else.. Do our kids look like cows? Nursing a child for a longer period definitely has benefits in terms of health and even in terms of intelligence.

    My older two kids are both considered gifted. My younger two have not yet been tested. Who does not want the best for their child? Co sleeping is the best.. Hello Beena, I know it has been a while since your posting, but I am hopeful you will be notified. I am a newish mum, my baby is 9 months old, and I have been co-sleeping from day dot. It has been a fabulous experience, and I enjoy a great bond with her. I do not know other people who co-sleep, although they are likely to be around. It is something I am completely in the dark about.

    Did it need negotiation, did it occur quite naturally? Thank you. I just have to say, I was open to bed-sharing, co-sleeping with our daughter. She was premature so she needed her momma a lot! I had a bassinet for her to sleep in that was only 3 inches from my side, but more often than not she was in my bed with me happily nursing away! I wanted to get her into her OWN bed some where around her first birthday or so, but I was a wimp and she would start in her own same bassinet, well, playpen, and then come to bed with me in the middle of the night for nursing. I had her taking her naps in her playpen at 15 months old, before then she HAD to be with momma to sleep.

    I know, wimp! My husband had to travel for work and would be gone a long time, so he sent me to my mom and dad. We shared a bed then. Finally at 2 years old, she had her own crib for naps! BUT, once we got home, she decided she liked her own bed.

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    We tried to keep her with us, but she just would flip and flop and whine and whimper and toss and turn and roll around. It does just happen. They grow to a point that they no longer want to sleep with you and then that is it, no matter how you wish they would, just for old times sake. Now the ONLY time we get to sleep with her is if she is sick or comes to bed to nurse in the middle of the night and then stays, for a while. In the span of a lifetime, in light of eternity, those years she slept with us, was nothing more than a breath!

    Just a moment. Cherish and treasure those days and nights and moments. One day they will be gone and you will wish they had stayed just a little longer. I pray for another baby to nurse for forever and to sleep next to me for as long as I can get them to! It truly is only for a breath of a moment. Great response, sophiasmomma. I love it and recognize one day he will want his privacy.

    I bedshare and nurse my 1 year old. Well, we bedshare like Sophiasmomma does — during the nursing sessions. She wants so much room to move that even when she sleeps in my bed, she rolls off into her own our mattresses are on the floor, right next to each other or onto the floor! I was 15, she was around 6 months old. And starting with my 1 year old my daughter , I will allow them to sleep with me for as long as they want…in my bed or in their own bed in my room. It truly does facilitate a bond like no other. But if they prefer their own room, they can have that. He slept in the same bed with me for about 7 years.

    He has always had sleep issues and just sleeps better in the same room with me. At this point we are all wanting him to sleep on his own himself included! I could not agree more with this article. My husband and I had our daughter in bed with us until she was 2 and a bit and made an easy transition to her own bed when she was ready. I slept with my son in my bed and it made his babyhood ridiculously easy with me. When he woke in the night he had no need to cry.

    I would put my breast into his mouth and fall back asleep. This would happen several times during the night, but it disturbed me so little I barely remembered in the morning. I definitely co-sleeping is the way to go! I come from Costa Rica. I am a supported of co-sleeping. I did believe those stupid things at first, but when my baby was born and I realized it felt natural and around her 4months of life i permanently moved her to my bed.

    Now she is 2 and sleeps with us and we have discussed it many times: it feels right for her and for us, it is comfortable and has not changed our relationship and hubby and wife. Nature cannot be wrong, our guts cannot be wrong: hundreds of years of evolution cannot be wrong: it feels good because is natural to do so. So true, just go with your feelings! I have 4 year old and 3 months old, they both co- sleep with me. When they will not need mommy then they will be ready to have their own bed and their own room! Why should I force my daughter to get out from me?? Why should I make her cry when she would wake up night time because she scared of the dark and nobody is next to her?

    Beena you are so right on everything you said!!! I mean: what better than something made specifically for humans? Do we feed our cows with pig milk? Is just plain weird…. I totally laughed out loud Adriana reading your post. I so agree. I still breastfeed my son and he is a little over 3. I get punished for it too but I stand my ground. You are so right. It is designed to support a calf in growing into a very large and heavy animal. Human milk will be adjusted by the body to what the infant needs. A preemie, breast fed, will receive the exact nutrients required for their gestational age.

    The body is an amazing machine! I had my daughter in my bed for 2 years. When she was 3 months old, in the night, she developed a temp of F. I knew, awoke, and was there to support her through a febrile seizure. I would never have been aware were she in her own bed. Blessings on those who chose to co-sleep or bed share!

    A relative tried to tell me the same thing recently, that there is nothing nutritional in my milk anymore! This is preposterous! Anyway, back to the subject, we co-sleep in the same bed. The youngest is always there, and half the time, the older ones are, too. There is not enough room for all of us, but they sneak in sometimes at night, and then we wake up to a mass of arms and legs. The kids also often snuggle together while sleeping.

    Of course, it is a biological need for babies to sleep with mom and nurse at will. Our American baby care culture is disgusting with how parents are encouraged to separate themselves from baby. Poor, pathetic babies wailing alone, desperate for their mom who never comes. I totally agree too. I will not be feeding it to my 6month old. It is a gimick. It is about the money. We do not need it — especially if we have a well balanced diet. Almost every other mammal in the world sleeps with their young, why would human beings be so different? I never heard the word cosleeping before I have my child, but after he was born, I knew that he needed to sleep near me, by instinct.